letter fifteen to rahel: almost nearly really good

oh, sweet psnuk of mine, only living on love and juice


as ever, it has been quite the week. with the bird having left the nest, i have found myself with a lot of free time. which was un-freed before it actually was properly freed (that truly does make a lot of sense, doesn’t it?). what i’m trying to say is that i was busy. mainly, if not exclusively, anticipating friday. which was the day i had booked to go to a studio. to record the vocals for my ep (she said, casually af). because it’s been such a natural process, it just happened somehow, until, at some point during friday it hit me that i WAS IN A BLOODY STUDIO RECORDING SONGS I HAD WRITTEN AND IT WAS ALL JUST VERY INSANE. yup. caps-lock exciting. we, being the lovely barney and leo, plus my humble and tremendously nervous self, arrived at the park studios in wembley (#ad) at 10 a.m. sharp. and lord, was i freakin’ out. i don’t even really know why. maybe the realness of the situation had hit me unconsciously. and the fear that my cold-ridden voice would give up definitely played a part too. none of those fears were justified, it would turn out (as it tends to be the case, really). tobin the sound engineer was super lovely and made me feel at ease immediately. maybe the fact that he told me i could play on the BEAUTIFUL grand piano downstairs helped with that. gosh, i truly need to own a grand piano someday. and if it has to double as my bed, dinner table and desk.

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we tested a couple of mics to see which one would fit my voice the best, i closed the shutters (i like to record in the dark, in case you didn’t know that about me), and the recording began. oh psnuk, i just love being at the studio. i do. i know i already told you when we skyped yesterday, but it honestly feels like recording sessions create a whole world of their own, where no one and nothing else exists. so record is what we did for the fourteen (!) hours to follow. fourteen. that’s a lot of hours. tobin decided to do overtime – i had only booked the studio for ten hours – because he liked the music so much. we recorded all five tracks, including a new one take of “petrichor” at le piano (we settled on the first take, which i think is pretty darn special (not the take, i mean. but the fact that it was the very first)), and some piano accompaniments for “lost”. oh, “lost”. the song barney and leo spent hours and hours and hours working on, sadly never to my satisfaction, for i always felt their arrangement just didn’t fit the lyrics and the emotions i wanted to convey. a couple of days before r-day it somehow suddenly hit them; the simplified the whole arrangement and decided to make the piano i had played in an integral part of the song, and somehow, that did the magic. just like that. we left the track last, and i’m glad we did, for i don’t know how well i would’ve been capable of continuing to record after that. rach, it was emotional. like, i basically cried whilst singing emotional. like, the guys stopped talking for twenty minutes emotional. you can totally hear that in the song, how vulnerable and genuinely upset i felt, but i like that. because that’s what i want my music to be about; conveying real emotions. we’re mixing this week, so i hope i’ll be able to send you something before the end of sunday. we shall see.

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and now, some of the things the guys said whilst we were comping (listening back to and cutting together the best parts of the individual takes). it must be noted, that they all were meant more than positively, despite their nature possibly suggesting otherwise (one must imagine all of them with thick northern accents):

– it’s not horrendous

– it is sturdier. like an old ship.

– gg smashed it. the big gerbatron.

– you sound warm like a fucking hot water bottle.

– it doesn’t matter which one we pick, this is going to be ridiculous.

– oh goodness, me.

– that’s a zinger, that.

– i forgot the start because the end was so good.

– that’s stupid. it’s ridiculous.

– i don’t know if i’m ready for this.

– it’s like picking a ferrari.

– almost nearly really good.

– this is going to break my heart

i think you get the gist. oh, blessed be those lovely souls. so that was my friday. on saturday i went to the cinema with good ol’ paulz, and we saw “the jungle book” minus the vultures and the elephant parade (remember when we sang the song the vultures sing back in our gymchor days? those really weren’t half bad, were they?). on sunday i met maren and maike for a “dissertation session” at yumchaa (the only dissertation work was done by me when i waited, seeing as they both were well late, hence the quotation marks), and joined sam, calvin and george for a rehearsal at the bunch of guys’. i really love sam’s songs and being a part of that band. look at me being all musician-y!

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sooooooo. le livre. uhm, it’s been a whirlwind. i know we’re not done yet, but i doubt those couple of pages of epilogue we have left are going to change my opinion about it. i mean, it wasn’t bad as such, but as i’ve said before, i just don’t think it’s our kinda thaang. it’s a bit too gross, a bit too absurd, a bit too too for us to relate to it. also, how bloody selfish is clee?! and how selfish are most characters in this novel?! and her parents’ bullshit about not wanting to be jack’s grandparents? and then philip is suddenly the boy’s father?! i mean, why? what? how? and don’t get my started on the physical manifestation of cheryl’s sexual fantasies centring herself/clee and phil. anticlimactic in every sense of the word. it was an interesting book to read, but not one i’d read again and probably not something that truly has made a lasting impression on me. at least not an overly positive one.


you, however, make all the positive lasting impressions on me.




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