letter eighteen to rahel: raise your voice. if you can.

hello, my one true love

firstly, i must apologise about how late it has gotten with this post. and about the fact that it’s not going to be a very long one. for i am knackered. truly and deeply knackered. as you know, i have been incredibly busy this past week, even by my already busy standards. on saturday julien came to town, so i obviously had to see him. and introduce him to marco. which wasn’t nerve-wracking at all. gosh, i can’t even begin to imagine how stressed i will be on the day when i introduce my sugar plum to my one and only fräulein hydrabert. we spent a lovely ice cream filled afternoon in the park tasting japanese treats julien had brought for me, playing frisbee and just generally enjoying the beautiful weather that has befallen the lands. then it was monday. the day on which i was born all those years back. you know that i hate my own birthdays with a passion. i have been doing so for years and years and i doubt it’ll change anytime soon. this year, however, i shed less tears than i did last year (#dramaqueen), so one could say there has been an improvement overall. i got up in the morning to bake some cupcakes topped with teeny-tiny donuts (we must make some when you come here), had a rehearsal preparation at the boys’ in the afternoon and spent the evening with marco. who baked me macarons. all by himself. even though he’s not much of a baker. which is bloody adorable. and whilst they might not be the most attractive of baked goods on has ever seen, they taste pretty darn nice. which, ultimately, is what matters, i find.
Photo 09-05-2016, 12 58 56.jpg
the following and therefore last few days were dominated with rehearsals: rehearsals for my final performance all day tuesday and wednseday, another half day for lizz’ stuff yesterday and sam’s dress rehearsal today. it’s stressful to have to remember so many details to so many different songs, but it’s great fun, too. so so so much fun. speaking of fun: on tuesday i had a gig with james’ band at the bedroom bar in shoreditch. our first in a year. and lord, i don’t remember the last time i enjoyed myself that much. i was feeling positively elated and couldn’t stop smiling, wishing for the moment to carry on into music-filled eternity. i don’t ever truly doubt that this is what i want to with my life, but moments like tuesday or how amazing it felt to be rehearsing my own music with an actually full band just reinstate the fact that this is it. this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. that said, i haven’t been singing for the rehearsals of yesterday and today for, surprise surprise, i am losing my voice. which is freaking me out. a lot. if it’s not back by monday i am pretty much screwed. big time. so i’ve been trying to keep quiet and drink tons of hot ginger and honey water all day long. brilliant. pray for my vocal folds, will you? either way, i am insanely excited for and scared about monday. and the weekend. and even in a couple of hours, when tanika is getting here.
moving on to bathsheba and her men. all of her men. three, to be exact. girl is on FIRE! i am enjoying the read, still, although i feel like my mind has been too preoccupied to truly immerse myself in the drama that is starting to unfold more and more. which is a shame. but after next week is through, i’ll be all back in the zone of truly reading.
i’m afraid this is all i can muster. i am exhausted, but i have to stay up until taniqua gets here, which isn’t until in a few hours. maybe i’ll nap until then. (as if)
i love ewe and i wish ewe could be here on monday.

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