letter twenty to rahel: my liver may be fucked, but my heart is honest.

my sweet rahel, whom i finally got to see today after FOUR. BLOODY. MONTHS. crazy.

for some reason unknown to me we are a week away from mid-june. which means we are only a few weeks away from the middle of the year. how? like, seriously. how? it makes no sense to me.
despite having seen you just a couple of hours ago (if for way too little time), it feels as though i haven’t truly spoken to you in ages. aaaaages. i cannot wait for sunday to get a proper catch-up sesh. ’tis more than needed. a lot has happened since i last wrote to you. predominantly, it was a time of many farewells. which we all know i’m horrible at. the first one was a big and small one all at once: ciao marco. i mean, i’ll see him in 27 days (not like anyone’s counting), which isn’t all too long, but considering the fact that a) we’ve never been apart for that long (bar those 22 and 23 years respectively when we didn’t even know about one another’s existence) and b) our constant busyness makes it hard to truly talk, it ain’t gon’ be easy. but hey. distance makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say (bs, if you ask me), and it’ll be all the nicer to see someone when one has actually missed them. and maybe i’ll let you meet him. or let him meet you, really.
luckily, the day marco left, another guest arrived, making the farewell so much easier to deal with. sophia realised she hadn’t visited me in way too long, and decided to do so in my last week in london. we ate and chatted and ate and talked and ate and had conversations. we also spent an afternoon and evening with jake, going to the nespresso store on regent’s street, because they wanted free coffee, engaged in stimulating conversations about masterpieces in the national gallery and watched a shakespeare play, where one of the actresses was drunk. preeeetty darn drunk. as we felt rather famished after that somewhat odd yet “entertaining” (quoting sophia here) experience, we made the executive decision to go have a lil’ nosh. jake suggested this taiwanese place called “bao”, which seems to be incredibly en vogue, as we cued a whoopin’ half hour or more to be seated in the tiny restaurant. quite the event, let me tell you. i also watched “becoming jane” for the first time, believe it or not, but in two installments, as sophia was so tired, she just fell asleep the first time. our favourite, let’s call it, incident, however, was when we were trying on crazy clothes in topshop, and i somehow managed to rip the whole seam of my pleather trousers basically from my crotch all along my massive bum, all the while beyoncé’s “bootylicious” was playing. let me tell ya, i still have sore abs from laughing so hard. all in all, we had a great time, ’tis safe to say.
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squad goals
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the weekend after sophia left was filled with saying goodbyes to more people, including maren, with whom i spent an amazing evening on friday (she had invited her band (including moi) for dinner and we ate and talked (also about the a.i. article. because i don’t talk about anything else these days) and at 1 a.m. decided to watch “the lion king” and anastasia.) and then an even lovelier afternoon on saturday taking photos in hampstead heath, followed by a fun-filled evening back at her’s, for which maike joined us, too. on sunday, my last full days, dear esther came by for teas and chats and songs. it’s so strange to think about not knowing when the next time i’ll see them will be, that i’d rather not think about it.
Photo 04-06-2016, 19 41 57
look at me casually lost in the woods
another goodbye was one that’ll have to last for a much longer time: back on monday i left london and my flat and the mouse who inhabits the space behind my fridge, whom i baptised “fievel” (the mouse, not the fridge). which, let me tell ya, was emotional. i have the tendency to get all teary-eyed when i leave the city of my dreams, however, this goodbye felt different. bigger. firstly, i’ll be gone for quite a while. three months. which is a quarter of a years (maths. yay). secondly, and more importantly, it’s the fact that when i do come back, my life will be oh so very different. a life i’ve never known. a life where a vast majority of the people i’ve gotten to know and learned to love over the past few years in london will be all over the world. however, there is no point in freaking out about it just yet, as it a) wouldn’t help and i b) still have enough time to panic when i get back.
so. monday. calvin, el and sam decided to be the sweetest people ever and gave me a lift to the airport. which, due to more than heavy traffic, took much longer than anticipated, but we got there in time, with enough time to spare, in fact, for me to slice my whole thumb open on something yet to be identified. i’m not going to lie, i did shed a few tears during the flight. as i said, it felt more like a departure from a really great part of my life, a flight into uncertainty. so i think a little emotionality was appropriate.
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later that day sophia and tani came over to watch the finale of the bachelorette (yay), which was lovely, even though i had seen them both fairly recently. a birthday dinner (fiiiiienchen) and a lot of shenanigans with my mum and brother later, we found ourselves at tanika’s class’ theatre play tonight. which was splendid. but you already know that. as you were there.
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and then there’s the book. we briefly talked about it tonight; i think we both need to find our way into it truly, as thus far not that much has happened and i believe it’s more of a matter of the scene being set. that being said, i still do enjoy atwood’s writing, and i am intrigued by how she manages to mix a seemingly utopian/dystopian (time shall tell) version of the present/future with the present and past we know oh so well. i’m curious to see where this journey takes us.
again, i cannot wait for sunday, and again, i miss you. yes, still.
gioia juan pablo.
p.s. i also met umbridge (or a person cosplaying as her) at comic con. very non-squitour, but it had to be said and shown.
Photo 29-05-2016, 15 00 33

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